Abnormal. A life of meaning.

It's been a pretty interesting week for me. For the first time ever, I'm interested in politics. Haha, now I really fit in with my family. I can argue with everyone over coffee on the holidays. Hooray! Anyway, this whole thing started with me reading a blog that piqued my interest in some of the candidates. So, as with anything I get curious about, I googled it. Hours later, I had my 'picks' narrowed down to three guys: Tom Tancredo, Mike Huckabee, and Fred Thompson. Over the next few days, I talked to people, read a lot of material, watched a lot of videos. Fred Thompson was abandoned pretty early in the week--his jowls creep me out. Lol--no, in all actuality, his positions are dandy but I just wasn't impressed. Trying to get on board with him was like trying to get excited about cotton socks. I saw a lot of different things about Huckabee and his positions. Every time he speaks, his passion for "Faith, Family, and Freedom" is evident. I watched my first...

The 20 year old who was shot died this morning.

A 20 year old kid got shot in front of my house a couple of hours ago. Apparently he shot first, and the guy in the car shot him. He took 3 bullets to the chest, but he's alive. The assumption is that it's gang or drug related. Oh, wait. According to the 'experts', we don't have gangs here. Standing on the sidewalk, talking to the neighbors, watching the cops and ambulance, one thought just keeps going through my head. We've got to get her out of here. We have to get her away from this.

My husband works with my best friend's husband. They will each get a turkey and a ham from the company for Christmas. We're going to be at my mom's for Christmas, all of us. My mom already bought a turkey for then. We found out today that Andy's mom is sending us a ham to be delivered on December 20th (his parents live in New Mexico). And so, for a total of seven adults and three kids, we have: 3 whole Turkeys and 3 hams. Now, my logical thought is that we'll be lucky if we can eat one whole turkey and ham. I know we're only cooking one of each. So my thought? I got excited. I mean, how cheesy is that? I got all sorts of excited and looked at my husband and said, "We can give them away!" Now, just in case you don't follow my line of thinking, and apparently very few do, I know there are plenty of people around here who can't afford to buy presents, much less turkeys and hams for a big Christmas dinner. And if I can't find anyone, which is ...

Okay, so today bordered on one of the worst days of my life. But to get there, we must start at Thanksgiving. My Thanksgiving started off with a lovely little back injury. I sprained my back on thursday, and was in a tremendous amount of pain. Now, I'm no wuss; I mean, I can do pain alright usually, so long as no needles are involved. But this was just badddd. Finally, my buddy came home and I begged him for something, anything ( he recently injured his back). He gave me a muscle relaxer, and twenty minutes later, I was loopy as can be and crashed shortly thereafter. Sleeping was difficult, though, as I kept waking up from the pain. I woke up this morning and was afraid to move, but finally did. In what proved to be an agonizing feat, I put together eight boxes and had them all taped up (I sell stuff on eBay). It took about thirty minutes, and it was pretty painful work. My plan was to stop off at the post office and head to work. Gritting my teeth, I got dressed loaded...

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving. This year will be an odd one, I think. Mom's working, Candi's doing her own thing, and my aunts, uncles, and cousins are scattered with their plans and rallying around my cousin, John, as he endures another brain surgery. So, for the first time, I am trying to do more than just survive this holiday. I'm trying to enjoy it, and remember what it means to be thankful. I'll have my best friend, Shawne, and her youngest, Becky, as well as her oldest, Amanda, with her husband and son, Jeremy and Dylan. I'll also have here Marshall, Shawne's husband, and my own husband, Andy. They're like a surrogate family, and I love them dearly, but I have to admit that I feel a bit alone without my mom and my sister. Shawne's as close as it comes to family without the blood ties, but her kids and grandbabies are here, too. She won't be Shawne the Best Friend tomorrow, she'll be Shawne the Momma/Granny. And that's okay. I wish my mom ...

Okay, I don't normally do this, but you absolutely MUST watch the movie, "The Ultimate Gift". Or read the book. In the fashion of "Pay it Forward", this movie will make you think and spur you to action like no other. If you are in need of a perspective adjustment, this will give it to you. Absolutely amazing. Seriously, watch it. And make everyone watch it with you.

How very small I am. Shortsighted, I fail to appreciate how very much this life is not about me. I try and fail time and time again to recognize and reconcile my misconceptions. I am learning lately that changing your perspective will indeed change the course of your thoughts. Simply changing perspective can change the world. Because when you start saying, "Thank you" for all that you have, you don't care about what you don't have. Something else will happen, though. You'll start to notice how much other people don't have. And maybe, just maybe, you'll do something about it. Maybe then you can make a difference. Something I've also come to see as of late is that it's quite easy to see the good when you are looking. It's fairly easy to find things to be thankful for when times are calm. But what about the hard times? What about the things that hurt us, change our lives and who we are, steal our happiness, our innocence? Can we be ...

I'm a goofy, outgoing person until I get to church, where I'm all shy and...quiet. What the heck is up with that? I'm NEVER shy! Interesting... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm sitting at the computer with my nifty hat and my headset on, and I feel very tech-ie. :) hehe --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I forgot something at the end of this week. Forgot that it's not all about me. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Something big is happening, and I don't have a clue yet as to what. But I'm going to play a part in it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music is the soundtrack to life. Anyone who doesn't appreciate music hasn't heard enough of it. I mean seriously, try listening to The O.C. Supertones (the best band ever on earth) and being unhappy. You can'...

This little series comes in no particular order. Just thought you should know that, haha. I'm trying to make sure it makes sense to a degree, but I hop around as my mind wanders. Sorry 'bout that. -------------------------------------------------- Where were we? Oh, right... So, as you know, my father died when I was about nine. My world changed then, and I'm not sure how I survived the following ten years. I sure didn't make it a point to survive. One of the first things my mom did was put us in a Christian school. That was it; no going back. So, from fifth grade, Christian/private school was all I knew. I left all my friends, and Jordan Branton (my fourth grade crush), and started a whole new life in school. My first memory of that school was how foolish I felt in a skirt with everyone saying the "Christian Pledge of Allegiance." For one thing, I was a tomboy, and so the whole idea of having to wear a skirt or dress every single day was extremely distressing...

I've recently learned a valuable lesson. I always thought that if people wanted to believe lies and untruths, well, that was their stupidity. If someone wanted to talk about me, fine. Whatever. If someone believed what other people said and didn't take the time to come to me and find out if it was true, then it was their problem. And, to a degree, that's true. But there is also a very important aspect to protecting your "image". Protecting your image and the way people see you isn't important because it matters what other people think of you. What matters is the consequences of what those people percieve. I recently met a pastor and I had emailed him about his opinion on certain things. In his reply email, he included the following: "Just a heads up... [my wife] has all of my passwords and access to accounts as a way to help me guard both myself and any women [who write]..." In telling me this, he did a few things. First, he made sure tha...

John Anderson is a cousin of mine who has a very large brain tumor at the base of his brain. He went in for surgery and they were able to remove most of it. However, there is still a portion of the tumor left at/on/around his brain stem. He has to go back in for surgery again in a couple of weeks. John is a good man, a good husband, and a good father. Please, pray for him. Ask anyone you know to pray for him as well, and ask them to ask anyone they know. Thank you.

Today I was challenged to come up with fifty reasons that I love God. I thought, oh, that'll be easy! But yeah, I got stuck at like, number 18 or something. So I had to think. Past the obvious, past the fluff. I had to dig. I had to really think about who He is, and why I love him. And suddenly, fifty wasn't enough. I stopped writing at fifty one, because I have to go to bed at some point, so here are those fifty one reasons. So, God... here it is. I love you because: 1. You are Daddy. That means more to me than to most. 2. You never break your promises. Even when I break mine. 3. You made penguins. And sunsets. And: the ocean, storms, weeping willows, daffodils, rivers, dogs, wind, snow, icecicles, the moon, shooting stars, ripples in the sand, laughter, honeysuckles, treefrogs, tadpoles, colors, ivy, seashells, the smell of rain, fire, raindrops, music, and so much more that is beautiful. 4. You gave everything, when I am willing to give so little. And you gave everything ...

Recently, I've had a lot of thoughts about what people will think of me. I wonder what they think when they meet me, and what they'll think when I'm truly transparent. I've always been a guarded person, and according to my family, I've been that way with them as well. And so, in an attempt to be less guarded and more honest (with myself as well as everyone else), I'm going to go through the crappier parts of me, and my life. I've always lived in the past, at least partially. It's time to let go of some of the baggage, and try this thing a different way. I do this, not so that you, whoever you may be, can know it, read it, dissect it. It is so that I will know that very little of me is left hidden. It is so I can trust enough to be transparent. And no, not everything will be told here. There are parts of my life that I've rarely spoken of, and displaying it on the internet just isn't going to happen. Maybe with time. What is here has taken much ti...

Hello, sweet baby. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I have so many questions, and I can't wait to see the answer. Will you have olive skin, like your daddy, or pale skin? Maybe it will be the perfect mix, a light olive? You will be beautiful no matter what. Will your eyes be blue, like mine, or deep brown like Daddy's? Will you have thick blonde hair or silky black hair? Will it curl like your daddy's? Will you have Daddy's eyelashes, like I've hoped so many times? Will you have his ridiculously cute dimples? I hope so. If I close my eyes, I can see you. I imagine the many versions of you that could be. And my heart aches. My arms ache to hold you, my eyes ache to look at you. I was born for you, you know. You are all I want. Will you be my little girl, like Grandma and Grandpa Trevino hope? Will you be my little Liliana Renae? Aunt Shawne would like that; that's where the Renae comes from. You'll never spell her name wrong l...

So, here we are again, in November. I usually can't stand this month. People say "November" and my brain goes "ughhhh". December? Oh, I love December. I love Christmas. I love the sounds, the sights, the smells, the spirit of giving and compassion that seems to abound during that one time of year. I love the nativity scenes, and re-discovery that God was born in a barn, and the magic. I love everything about Christmas. But do you know that I hated Thanksgiving? That was the holiday I just wanted to get through. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything, I just wanted to act like it was another day. I used to volunteer to work open to close on Thanksgiving, and it only got worse when I found out, Thanksgiving day, that my Nana had died. Ohh, then I reallllllly hated November. Nothing good ever happened in November. Nothing exceptionally good has happened in November as of yet, either. But this year, I think that just maybe it's time to remember what it...

Lizzy was my cousin. We grew up together for the most part, and she was my age. She got into a car accident Wed. night (31 Oct. 2007) and didn't make it out. Her obituary can be found here. Isn't it funny how you never miss someone when you are apart, until the day you realize that you'll never have the chance again? Strange, also, is the fact that it takes seeing the body to make the whole terrible thing sink in. I remember now why it sucks to feel to this degree. I walked out of that funeral home tonight and I couldn't see through the tears, I couldn't breathe. I literally ran into my brother in law and he held me while I cried. My mom had the bright idea on the way to Liz's parents' house to swing by the church that just so happened to be on the way, and just so happened to be where Jon was. (For those of you who know me, you know who Jon is. For those of you that don't, he was my youth pastor and has saved my life in more ways than one.) We saw someb...

Why is it that every time I get something on my mind, the sleep is the first to go? I mean seriously, I wouldn't mind losing my appetite or something. Stressed, thinking, upset, angry, happy, it doesn't matter, I'm up regardless. My brain needs a friggin 'off' switch. Ugh. At least I'm not dreaming.

Insanity. That's what this is. Tell me how there could be any other explanation for picketing a funeral. Honestly. The best part is, this moron does it in the name of my GOD. The very nature of God is love. Love God, love others, and do something about it. I mean, in a nutshell, that's it, right? How can anyone stand behind the name of a holy, living God and say things like "God hates Fags"? This church-this BAPTIST CHURCH (not cult, not a satanist group)-has picketed the funerals of gays, soldiers, Pastors, leaders, victims of tragedy and even Jerry Falwell. They mock survivors and attacks loved ones of these people. They've started websites such as "GodHatesFags.com" and "GodHatesAmerica.com". Wikipedia.com gives some examples: On October 29 , 2005, the church put out a flyer saying "Praise the Lord for 2,010 Dead Soldiers in Iraq" and stating "We humbly pray to God to please kill many more". A WBC website says of the Sept...

My cousin died last night. She was my age. For those of you who pray, say a prayer for my family. They need it.