Abnormal. A life of meaning.

For the past few years, we've handed out candy on halloween. I've always been annoyed at all the kids that just show up for candy and stick their hands out. No costume, no bag, no "trick or treat". I always just thought it was so ghettooooo . This year, though, it was just...sad. Most of these people are living in poverty, and it makes me wonder. What if they couldn't afford costumes? What if their parents just didn't care enough to get them a costume? Better yet, where are all the parents? Something's got to be done for this place. Halloween and costumeless kids aside, this place is so hopeless. I don't mean there is no hope for it, I mean there is no hope in it. These kids are all thugs, and they're like twelve years old. And you know what? If these kids keep growing up around the drug dealers and the thugs, it's all they'll know. The system sucks. I'd love to take some of these younger kids from the government housing crap we'v...

I heard a song on an old CD that just fit. I actually laughed when I heard it, simply because it fit so ridiculously well. It is called " Take my Life " by Third Day. I'm not computer savvy enough to link the music file, but this video features the song and almost nothing else.

Can't sleep. Figured I'd come talk to you. The truth is, there's nothing I can do. I'm so scared that I won't do enough, but I can't do any of it. It's got to be you. It has to be, because I've got nothing. So here's the hard part. I believe. I believe in you . I can't help him, because the one thing you've demanded is the one thing I can't give for him. Can't I believe enough for the both of us?

Each year I do an artistic pumpkin. This was the first year I tried anything 3-D. Turned out pretty well. This pumpkin is called, " Hope ".

So. I learned something today. I learned that no matter how old you get, how serious you are, how open your heart is, you will never be immune to certain... afflictions. Case in point: the "Church Giggles". I'm sitting in church this morning and the pastor begins to pray. I'm all serious-ish and praying when suddenly, from my left, I hear the tiniest giggle. I open my eyes and glance at my niece. She's sitting there, head bowed, eyes closed. I closed my eyes. I hear it again. I glance over, and true to any twelve year old, she is giggling, just a little bit. I elbow her, and she looks up at me. For a few seconds, she's good. Then she giggles again, a bit louder. Oh, no, I think. Not this. She's trying to be quiet, but she's just tickled. It's pretty distracting, and after a minute, I can't help but grin. Ohhh, noooo... I'm on the verge of catching poor Becky's giggles, and I do NOT want to do that... Then it hits. She's d...

I am walking hand in hand with you. We do this often. I look at you and say, "Daddy, the sun is hot. Make it not be so hot!" "Here, we can cool off in here," you say, and lead me to a river. I look at you and grin. Picking up a rock, I throw it into the water. "Come on, Daddy!" I tell you. You smile and lead me through the river. I turn and look back. "Look what we did, Daddy! The river was big, but we crossed it!" "We did, indeed," you say. You smile. Some weeks later, we are walking along. The wind begins to howl and I start to shiver. "I'm cold, Daddy. So cold," I say. "There is shelter here," you say. You lead me to a small cave. "Let me hold you so you stay warm," you say. I curl up in your arms. I am warm. I am safe. Later, I say to you, "Look what you did, Daddy! I was cold but you sheltered me! Did you see what you did, Daddy?" You smile. "Of course I s...

I'm pretty successful. I mean seriously, I'm not Bill Gates or anything, but I'd consider myself successful. At 24, I've managed to gather for myself a pretty good life. A life I got by working hard, playing smart, and making [somewhat] wise decisions. I started work at a company when I was seventeen, and went from bottom of the rung to store manager. I could sell ice to an eskimo. Figuring out that they didn't pay enough, and the job sucked anyway, I stepped down and started looking for another job. I then began work as a bather at PetSmart. Hey, working with dogs couldn't be that bad, right? Even if I was squeezing anal sacs and blow drying hairy beasts. (If you don't know what anal sacs are, count yourself lucky and move on.) I made a few bad decisions in my personal life, but lo and behold, one day while trying to drive and drink orange juice at the same time, I totaled my car (which I bought myself, wouldn't let anyone help me get it). My roomate, ...

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**This was originally posted on myspace on October 23, 2007. I wanted my thoughts on this particular subject to be collectively on this blog. For those who are curious, this letter is to my God.** Dear Friend, You know who you are. I write to you knowing that you will get this, and knowing that it is indeed a strange way to talk to you. But that's okay, I don't think you will mind. To answer your question, yes. Yes, I know that you've been trying to reach me. Yes, I've been ignoring you, and I'm sorry. The truth is that I find it very easy to blame you for the things that have happened. Too much has happened, and you could have made things different. You could have done something, made it better for them, and instead they hurt. Day to day, they hurt. And still you do nothing. I know that you know so much more about what is right and good than I ever will. I know that everything you do, or don't do, is because you love me, and them. I just wish you weren't so...

I have recently had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge...but not simply any knowledge will do. This isn't that kind of thirst where I simply grab a new psych book or learn how to cook German food. The thirst I have had recently is of a spiritual nature. So, I did the spiritual equivalent--in addition to Sunday morning church, I've begun delving into the Bible again for the first time in years, reading blogs , listening to podcasts of Sundays before I came, stuff like that. I really like the church that I've found ( Focal Point Church meets every Sunday @ 10:00 a.m. at the Cinema Cafe in Greenbrier Mall, just so you all know), as the Pastor seems down to earth and willing to speak the truth without much regard to how people will 'feel' when it's all said and done. I respect both John and Tally in this regard, but Tally especially seems to have the mindset of "Hey man, I love you and all, but truth is truth. Period." So, to make a long story short (o...

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I don't want to be normal anymore. I've wanted for so long to just be normal. Everything that I've faced in the past year or so, I've thought, "God, why can't I just be normal?" Why do I have this ridiculous reaction to needles, shots, doctors? Why can't I just have kids like everyone else? I finally have the answer. Because normal just isn't good enough. It never has been. I'm a passionate person; I react strongly and passionately to any variety of things. I feel very passionately about the things that I believe. Why is it, then, that the most important things in my life seem to be so unimportant as not to be worthy of my passion? I will lead a life of influence. I will make a difference. Ignite me.