Friend, here is your answer.

**This was originally posted on myspace on October 23, 2007. I wanted my thoughts on this particular subject to be collectively on this blog.
For those who are curious, this letter is to my God.**

Dear Friend,
You know who you are. I write to you knowing that you will get this, and knowing that it is indeed a strange way to talk to you. But that's okay, I don't think you will mind. To answer your question, yes. Yes, I know that you've been trying to reach me. Yes, I've been ignoring you, and I'm sorry. The truth is that I find it very easy to blame you for the things that have happened. Too much has happened, and you could have made things different. You could have done something, made it better for them, and instead they hurt. Day to day, they hurt. And still you do nothing. I know that you know so much more about what is right and good than I ever will. I know that everything you do, or don't do, is because you love me, and them. I just wish you weren't so secretive. I wish I understood it all better. I wish I could stop the hurt.
So, to answer your question: Yes, I've avoided you, ignored you, blamed you, cursed you, been angry with you, and even hated you. But I need you. I miss you, so desperately. And I love you. I've always loved you. Please don't shut me out. I'm sorry that I blame you, I'm sorry I have so little faith in you. We'll work on that.
This isn't perfect. It isn't fixed. But it's a start. I'll talk to you again soon, and I'll see you this weekend. Hopefully I start seeing you more often.
I love you, even when I'm stupid. I love you, and I'm sorry.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You Lose. But, wait...

Image
Addiction. What a funny little thing. Isn't it strange how something we do for "us" can control us? And many times, we don't even realize we are being controlled. Isn't it also strange the things that can become our addiction? Cigarettes and drugs at least have an excuse...they are physical addictions. But the same can't be said about everything. People are addicted to so many things-- alcohol, sex, tobacco, shopping, vomiting, television, drugs, self-injury, pornography, emotional attention. The list can go on and on. So, here we are. Human, every one. Addiction or not, we screw up. It'll sneak up on you. One day you're fine, you're okay, you're fighting it at every turn and winning. You tear through every excuse you make for relapse and fight your own mind until you win. You shake, you cry, and you beg God for help. And you WIN! Until that one day that you...just ...don't. One emotional sucker-punch that you just weren't expecting. ...
Read more

"Take my world apart" - Lessons for surviving friendly dogs and conquering poverty

Image
Today, a dog tried to eat me . Well, not completely, but it sure felt like it. There I was, with this (big) beautiful dog, super friendly and all (really, really big), and I was getting all sorts of tail wags and kisses. No problem. Every sign that I was reading from this (did I mention she was really big?) dog told me she was friendly. Her owner asked me to help put on a harness and size it. I was on one knee and having a hard time sizing it because she was so busy licking my face. I stood up and slipped it over her head, then pet her and began to clip it under her arms, just behind her forelegs. At the exact moment that I got both hands underneath her and I was bent so that her and I were literally nose-to-nose, she froze , for just a quarter of a second. No wagging, no movement, no licking. It was all the warning I got, and it was so fast, I had no time to react. Before I could finish my thought of "hmm, that's not good", she went ballistic. She lunged for my face and...
Read more

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

As the last few minutes of 2007 ticked away, I started reviewing the year in my mind. I don't know how the year was for you, but I can say that for me, it was a test of my mind, body and soul. 2007 was a year of doctors and disappointment, of death and sorrow, of trials and tears. There were patches of hope, of amazing love, friendship, family, smiles and laughter. New life, new experiences, and a renewing of sorts in my own life. Among my accomplishments in 2007, I quit smoking, a feat I thought impossible for a long time. I also completed my Animal Behavior College courses, and will be "officially" graduating later this month. I learned a lot, met some new people, and started going to Focal Point Church, which is one of those great things that happened in '07. One of the biggest things that has happened this year is that I've reorganized my priorities. I have had my perception altered, and as a result, my entire worldview has changed. I feel more like the perso...
Read more