For Amanda.
I've always used writing. As a tool, as a therapy, as a weapon. I can write when I cannot speak, and when the words won't come to my lips, they come to my fingertips. May the writing bring the words to you and the peace to me, because it's too late for anything else. There's nothing left now but the writing. I have so much to say to you and no more time now to say the things that need saying. I cannot make sense of it, I cannot breathe around the loss of you. I have so many regrets, so much I wish I would have done. So much. I don't even know what to say to you. I tried, there at your viewing, standing at your coffin and gazing at what used to be you. I tried to say the things that needed saying, but the words wouldn't come. It was too late to say them anyway. Instead, I cried for you. I cried and in my head it was "no, no, no, no, NO!" Everything went through my mind then. That wasn't you and this i...