Abnormal. A life of meaning.

Well, now. Sorry about the absence. Let's do a brief recap of the past week and a half... Day 3: Saturday- I awoke at 8:30 and couldn't go back to sleep, even though I felt like I'd been steamrolled. 3 hours of sleep is fine, I guess. It didn't help that my eyes opened and my brain said "Morning. Needle." After fifteen or so minutes of mental anguish, I managed to do it. Relief was immediate, but very, very short lived. I realized nearly immediately that now that I knew I could do this, I had to. I'd succeeded, and was therefore totally screwed. I was, if possible, even more depressed. Later that night, another fifteen or so minutes of pumping myself up, gathering the courage. Again, I managed to do it. I recapped the needle and just kinda stared at it for a minute. I then threw the dumb thing on the bed and sank to the floor for a good ten-minute sobbing weep. I can't explain what I was feeling, except that one thing permeated the w...

So. Thursday, I was given the Byetta shot. I can't sleep, so I am chronicling what will become either my success or failure. Day 1: Thursday. Glare at the Byetta. Decide tomorrow is a better day to start than today. Day 2: Friday. My instructions are to take it 30 minutes before breakfast. Upon waking, it is my first thought. My stomach flips. I get up and try to put it out of my mind. I sit down to check email, and I feel funny. Numb, kinda. Loopy. Nauseaus. Ahh....the joy of new meds. I throw furtive glances at the chair that holds the bag that holds the box that holds the needle. I decide I'm not hungry anyway. I go to mom's. Eventually, she asks me if I've eaten. I say no, and she says it's 1:00, and I need to eat. I am slightly confused at where my time has gone. I call work. I eat a half a sandwich and head to town, forgetting to take the meds with me. I may have thought about it briefly, but chose to forget it. Went home later, went t...

I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome , or Stein- Leventhal syndrome . The short bit is that it is an all-around disease that affects my metabolic abilities, among other things. Among the affected are my blood sugar (I am officially pre -diabetic, but NOT diabetic. So there. Get that? Not diabetic .), metabolism, insulin absorption (I have severe insulin resistance), hormones (don't even go there...), reproductive system, weight, and the list goes on. One thing kinda leads to another, which leads to another. You get the point. I am overweight, and have been since about puberty. I gain about thirty pounds when I eat a leaf. Losing weight is nearly impossible. I am hormonally out-of-whack, and quite frankly, sex is often as appealing as chewing glass. I have zero energy most of the time, and there are other things that I deal with that are embarrassing enough to keep me from writing them here. Oh, and that's when I'm not on my "period", which could be a single hour...