Abnormal. A life of meaning.

The plan for today: Get up at six-ish, head to Home Depot, get there about seven, grab what we need and get Joey's employee discount. Go to Windsor, get the power cut on, be out at the property by about 8:30 or 9:00. Andy gets the water hooked up, I start on the fence again. We finish the fence today, and go home with the warm, fuzzy sense of accomplishment. Drink hot chocolate and frolic happily. Go to bed. What actually happened today: Get up at nine-ish. Jason says he'll take a load out in his truck, too (yay!). I stumble around getting dressed and needing coffee until about ten. Can't find the sink to wash the coffee pot. Get impatient at Jason and tell Andy to grab the couch, I grab the other end, we wrestle it out the door. Inevitably, my hand slips; full weight of the couch lands on the possibly broken finger. I yell. A lot. Throw couch into truck, kick screen door, mumble nonsense, yell some more, get mad at tears in my eyes, kick wall and grunt. Deep br...

This is so awesome...we have to try this sometime! Hahahahaha

Taking the advice of friends who have requested that I blog again, I've decided to forego sleep for a while and hash out some of this jumbled mess called "my life" at the moment. This has to be one of the most uncomfortable times in my life. A time when I feel like God is giving me a crash-course on complete trust. At every turn, God is shoving something else in my face, knocking me off balance, invading every inch of personal space I ever thought I had. In this week alone, I've been hurt, overwhelmed, panicked, insanely angry, fed up, scared to death, and immensely sorrowful. I've cried, and cried, and cried, and occasionally screamed. Without a nearby object to throw or hit, I've pounded the steering wheel, the door of the room I momentarily escaped to, and kicked a water-filled plastic container across the yard. (Yeah, I got wet, and oh yeah, it hurt). God has been incredibly busy as of late, and I DON'T LIKE IT. Yeah--You heard me. THIS SUCKS. And yet,...

Please forgive the unorganized fashion of this post. It is more my therapy tonight than for any actual purpose. Consider it an exercise in "free writing." After my dad died, I became the unofficial protector of our little family. I was the self-appointed glue that held everyone together, and I would do anything I could to keep us together; safe. As I've gotten older, I've run across more un"fix"able situations. I began to realize that I can't keep everyone safe all the time. Life happens. As I've grown closer to God over the past few months, I've also begun to see that it's not in my hands. Everything doesn't have to be my responsibility; I don't have to carry the weight of everyone on my shoulders. That's His job. I've finally seen that, finally begun to give up some of the responsibility, accept the peace. As I shed the anger, the resentment, the blame, the hurt, the responsibility, the guilt, the fear, I saw my Creator. My ...

I went to a Superbowl party tonight, and even though I had absolutely no idea what was happening in the game, it was quite fun. It was the worst night of John's life. Thirty minutes later, it was the best night of his life. There was also talk of half-midgetry and uneven arms, high-fiving with inflatable hands, oh, and being the mayor of a bar. And at one point, a very serious Caleb (he's 2) tapped me on the arm and informed me, "It's a peanut. A PEA-NUT ." Haha, lots of fun stuff. I can't wait until I actually know these folks a little better; "shy and quiet" just isn't me, but I get so...well, shy and quiet with new people. It's one of those random things that I can't stand but I can't help doing it, lol. My mom said "that's the first time I've ever been anywhere that I was calmer than you". Thanks, mom. Haha... So, I think I've found my new challenge. Be calm, don't panic (lol) while around ne...